Your face is a jimmy john
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
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