I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Congratulations! We have a period
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
