So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
