Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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