She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
