Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
