I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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