dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
