I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
