I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
