You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sext me about skeletons
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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