I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
