The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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