Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
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the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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