I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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