youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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