it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
