he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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