did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
