Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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