Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
