I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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