people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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