Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I met the friendliest cop last night
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
