Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
