i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
