I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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