I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
