4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
