I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
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And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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