I faked an abortion last night.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
