i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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