dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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