She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
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I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
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He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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