..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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