It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
