we're chasing vodka with high fives
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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