he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize