That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
