i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
