She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
