I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
