Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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