Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
