I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
