It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
