I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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