he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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