She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
