dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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