You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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