if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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