Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us

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  (508): well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us http://tfl.nu/w698
  Replies (32) Good night (960) Bad night (7600)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper

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  (303): she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper http://tfl.nu/xl5z
  Replies (89) Good night (9945) Bad night (1702)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.

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  (860): Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth. http://tfl.nu/vl66
  Replies (16) Good night (1412) Bad night (5873)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin

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  (919): He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin http://tfl.nu/8jd6
  Replies (17) Good night (2930) Bad night (1070)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy

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  (312): I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy http://tfl.nu/tu8r
  Replies (7) Good night (2872) Bad night (1103)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture

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  (217): Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture http://tfl.nu/3npb
  Replies (11) Good night (3355) Bad night (978)
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  (408): View more from California

  Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape

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  (408): Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape http://tfl.nu/uzlj
  Replies (10) Good night (4032) Bad night (1455)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard

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  (917): You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard http://tfl.nu/7qxy
  Replies (5) Good night (2781) Bad night (505)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.

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  (406): Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life. http://tfl.nu/9594
  Replies (12) Good night (1202) Bad night (642)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...

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  (817): No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex... http://tfl.nu/th3v
  Replies (7) Good night (1567) Bad night (505)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..

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  (248): Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced.. http://tfl.nu/34jd
  Replies (21) Good night (1216) Bad night (1846)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.

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  (815): I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life. http://tfl.nu/262m
  Replies (8) Good night (843) Bad night (405)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me

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  (607): Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me http://tfl.nu/qp3z
  Replies (2) Good night (621) Bad night (306)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.

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  (515): Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her. http://tfl.nu/0xnp
  Replies (3) Good night (271) Bad night (719)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.

  (779): View more from Illinois

  YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.

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  (402): Dude, I have everything I need for meth here. (779): YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT. http://tfl.nu/5fhr
  Replies (4) Good night (270) Bad night (493)

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