Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
How does one acquire holy water?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question