Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon

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  (310): im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon http://tfl.nu/qfy4
  Replies (21) Good night (726) Bad night (1633)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.

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  (203): my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus. http://tfl.nu/bisy
  Replies (9) Good night (838) Bad night (4171)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.

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  (919): I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx. http://tfl.nu/hq1e
  Replies (187) Good night (4229) Bad night (2079)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"

  (1-864): View more from South Carolina

  as in "white"?

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  (864): If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry" (1-864): as in "white"? http://tfl.nu/140y
  Replies (24) Good night (5353) Bad night (1031)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?

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  (971): I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo? http://tfl.nu/aefb
  Replies (11) Good night (4433) Bad night (918)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute

  (1-210): View more from Texas

  Hello cirrhosis

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  (210): Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute (1-210): Hello cirrhosis http://tfl.nu/bpcm
  Replies (11) Good night (1325) Bad night (1943)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.

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  (847): He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris. http://tfl.nu/t2sy
  Replies (5) Good night (1145) Bad night (987)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?

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  (267): A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices? http://tfl.nu/eop4
  Replies (8) Good night (646) Bad night (1225)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."

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  (239): Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..." http://tfl.nu/k8r7
  Replies (15) Good night (892) Bad night (2483)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.

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  (+61): I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis. http://tfl.nu/imc2
  Replies (7) Good night (1345) Bad night (494)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him

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  (270): He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him http://tfl.nu/fwi5
  Replies (0) Good night (470) Bad night (368)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.

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  (570): If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit. (1-570): As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no. http://tfl.nu/hlm9
  Replies (4) Good night (1354) Bad night (522)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.

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  (202): So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay. http://tfl.nu/ivx8
  Replies (4) Good night (957) Bad night (542)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...

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  (210): Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you... http://tfl.nu/i3t4
  Replies (0) Good night (532) Bad night (316)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.

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  (301): I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again. http://tfl.nu/3xfs
  Replies (2) Good night (416) Bad night (330)

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