bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!