I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
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You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
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you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.