dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so explain again why im purple
no
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Edward fifth and chaser hands
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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