In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
