Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
