is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
