4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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