Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
