Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
