office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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