Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
