Barsexuality is the new black.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Randomize
