you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
