I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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