I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think i got beer on your cat.
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