forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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