I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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