Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
