pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
