Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
