I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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