I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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