I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
