how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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