The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
