Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
