Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
