oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
