i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
