I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
lol hangovers are for mortals.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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